907. The pressure you put on yourself is the pressure your child will inherit with Dr. Shefali

Sep 15, 2026 · 1h 6m · YouTube

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Transcript

asr · 11,407 words · docs
0:00Fathers grew up with the message boys don't cry, boys have to be strong.
0:03Right now it's changing, but in most generations, even today, that's the internalized script.
0:09So now we're trying to change it to boys can cry, but the fathers are terribly uncomfortable.
0:14My husband grew up hearing his parents are Jamaican, and they just have a very masculine, hominid culture of like people who cry.
0:22They actually are more sensitive because their left and right brain is not so connected.
0:26So a harder time putting words to their feelings.
0:31They can't even hear themselves because they can't connect the word to the feeling.
0:34So with your son, when he cries, he doesn't really even know why he's crying and he cannot put words to feeling.
0:41So don't ask him to, but you can put words to it.
0:44And he will immediately calm down.
0:46And then we adult women disparage our men and shame our men and go, you don't even know how to talk.
0:51It's really not fair to them because they were never taught.
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